Cinnamon Toast, Monopoly and Popcorn

As a kid, I paid very little attention to what the inside of other people’s homes looked like. I just remember the fun times that I had playing games with them or watching tv at somebody else’s house who had better reception than our tv with rabbit ears. One house that I visited, because my Mom needed somebody to watch me while I was sick and she had to work, belonged to a “hippy” family that was very poor. I don’t remember what the house looked like on the inside, I just remember that our lunch consisted of the best cinnamon toast made lovingly by a woman who had nothing else to give. It was where I learned to play a much faster version of Monopoly, which I still play to this day. It was warm, safe and nurturing to me as a young boy.

Another home that I spent even more time at was several miles away from mine and the family again had very limited resources.  We played a lot of games, read books and watched some tv at that house. We also ate a lot of popcorn with nutritional yeast on it.  My friend’s Mom was very health conscious and had little to work with, but the popcorn was filling and the environment was comforting. You know what? As hard as I try, I still cannot picture what the condition of the home was on the inside. I can only remember that I felt comfortable and safe there.

I miss those days when people would get together to just sit around and enjoy each other’s company without anybody worrying about what other people were thinking about their possessions. I know it’s not just my imagination that people actually worry about that. I have on repeated occasions overheard people talking about not feeling comfortable with having others over to their homes because they felt their homes were not “guest worthy.”

I will even admit that there have been times when I felt the same way. Our house has that “lived” in look. We keep our house clean, but it is far from perfect. Yes, there is clutter from time to time and on occasion a dog-hair tumbleweed will roll across the floor. We have wood laminate floors throughout the living room and kitchen and the dog-hair tumbleweeds are very obvious! The funny thing about dog-hair tumble weeds is that we can sweep the floor and then 10 minutes later a dog-hair tumbleweed presents itself. I swear my dogs should be completely bald by how much hair they lose on a daily basis.

I guess my point is, I feel like sometimes I am missing out on enjoying others people’s company (whether at my house or theirs) because we sometimes focus on things that are really not that important. So what if a person has a stack of magazines sitting on their kitchen table. I don’t care! So what if they have unfolded laundry sitting in a laundry basket in their living room. I don’t care!  It is not the end of the world and I don’t really care about silly things like that. If Jesus were to walk into anybody’s house right now, I don’t think he would be looking at their possessions with the intent of judging them by their worth. I truly believe he would be more interested in eternal matters and how they have helped others in this life. Why should I be any different?

Apologizing to God

Going into 2015, I was thinking about how good God has been to my family for the last several years and 2014 was the best one by far. I have come to the realization that God doesn't bless me and my family because we perform in some way that makes him obligatory to us; he chooses to bless my family because he loves us. Because I sometimes over-analyze things, I started thinking a lot about why the last couple of years have been better than others and Pastor's sermon this morning got me to thinking even more. You see, there was a period of time when I didn't live my life in a way that was totally pleasing to God and that may have very well have been a limiting factor in what God was able to do for my family. As the leader of my home, when I make a mistake, it affects my entire family.

Most of the great leaders in Scripture at some time in their lives made mistakes. For instance: When Abraham should have waited for God to give him a son, he took matters into his own hands; Moses, in trying to help his people, ran ahead of the Lord and killed the Egyptian. Later, against the command of God, he struck the rock in his anger; When David should have been out in the field of battle, he stayed home and committed adultery with Bathsheba and then plotted the murder of her husband; Peter, in spite of his self-confidence and his great boast, denied Christ, as did the rest of the disciples who fled the night of Christ’s arrest. There is a fundamental principle here. Sometimes God allows us to make mistakes before he brings about success with us. Our mistakes are often rungs on the ladder of growth—if we will learn from our mistakes rather than grovel in the dirt.

But I also learned this over the past couple of years about God’s grace and our mistakes. God expects us to acknowledge our mistakes and don’t try to hide behind excuses. When we sin, we need to confess our sins to God and then learn from our mistakes. We need to put safeguards in place to prevent the same or like mistakes from taking place again. Lastly, we need to put the mistake behind us and move ahead.

Because I am human, I continue to make mistakes. When I do, I have to correct them as best as is humanly possible, ask God and those whom I have hurt for forgiveness, and then move on. I believe that is why God has allowed us to prosper over the last couple of years; because I acknowledge my mistakes, attempt to correct them and then move on.

Where I am going with this? Sometimes families and organizations, including Churches, limit the blessings that God wants to bestow upon them because they do things that God finds offensive. Sure, God will continue to bless their endeavors, but he is unwilling to fully bestow his greatest blessings upon those organizations because there is ongoing and unresolved "sin." Like I stated earlier, when I make mistakes it affects my entire family and when organizational leaders make mistakes, it affects the entire organization and the blessings that God truly wants to bestow upon that organization. So, if you're the leader of your own family or the leader of an organization and you want to receive the greatest blessings from God, acknowledge any mistakes you may have made, apologize to those hurt (and if the mistake was made publicly, apologize publicly) and then move on.

Welcome Home, Son, Welcome Home!

 

 

In The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis gave this description of the “real” Narnia which we all know was an allegory of heaven: "But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world ... had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

On September 2, 2013 we lost Austyn. Although it shocked all of us who loved him, it didn't catch God off guard. He saw it coming and I believe that at the moment Austyn left this life, God was there to greet him in a way Austyn had never been greeted before.

You see, I don’t believe in a passive God. I believe that God is more zealous about his creations than any human being could ever be. I believe that God is very hands-on in fashioning each and every one of us in the unique way that he desires. None of us were accidents. Even if a child is conceived unintentionally, that child is intentionally and intimately designed by a God who loves every single cell in their body.

Although God is omni-everything, I still believe that God is waiting with passionate excitement for us to join him in heaven. God had been waiting almost 19 years for Austyn to come home. As a Dad, if I had waited 19 years to be with one of my sons and the day finally arrived when one of them was coming home, you better get out of this Dad’s way. I would pull out all the stops. Nothing would hold me back. As a human Dad, I would do everything I could to show my sons how much I had missed them, how excited I was to get to see them, and I would do everything I could to keep from ever having to be apart from them again. So it is not hard for me to imagine what Austyn’s homecoming was like.

Picture this: a hot, humid labor day in southern Indiana with a potpourri of country related smells mixed with the smells of traffic exhaust. Imagine the sounds of roaring engines and the overall busyness of everyone around you. Imagine an excitement within you because things are starting to go so well for you at church but at the same time having heaviness within you because in other areas so many things seem to be working against you. Imagine wanting to get a decent job but not being able to because you haven’t completed your education, although you're working on your GED. Imagine the emotional frustration of wanting to get a driver’s license but not being able to because the documentation that you need to accomplish it is flawed. Imagine having your mind racing because there are so many things that you want to share with others…

...imagine to your amazement that you are standing in the most awe-inspiring place. Words cannot describe what you are experiencing because you have never seen anything like it before. People are rushing to welcome you and you are experiencing a love that you have never experienced before. There is no more heaviness within you, no more unpleasant smells or sounds around you and the temperature is perfect. Then you see the masses parting to reveal a majestic figure. You realize that this is God: your real Father, your creator. His presence completely engulfs you with the ultimate “love” experience and when you think that it couldn’t get any better, he looks at you and says, “welcome home son, welcome home!”

Out of selfish desires I still wish Austyn were with us. I miss having him sit in our kitchen eating to the point where he was about to burst. I miss hearing him tap away on the keyboard of the computer as he surfed the internet in search of the really cool thing that he wanted to show us. I miss seeing him sitting on the couch, quietly holding Petra, for hours at a time. I miss hearing him tell us about how his GED preparatory classes were going. I miss our discussions about God and life. I miss...  

...then I realize that my selfish desires must acquiesce to what is best for Austyn.  For that reason on this September 2, 2014 the only thing left for me to say is …welcome home son, welcome home.

A Very Comforting Thing To Have

"Friendship," said Christopher Robin, "is a very comforting thing to have.”- A.A Milne in Winnie-the-Pooh.

A while back, Karen and I were reminiscing about different times in our lives and the different people that we have shared it with over the years. Some of those friendships teetered on the rim of the totally ridiculous while others have been intense. Each one has left us with memories and some have provided material for me to use to write about... :)

John and Lisa were the first friends that Karen and I had together. We knew them from church before we got married and after we got married we continued that friendship. They really were a unique couple. An interesting piece of trivia about these two was that the same day that they got married before the justice of the peace, John checked Lisa into the hospital for a psych evaluation. I learned that was not the optimum way to start off a marriage. After Lisa got out, their marriage was strained to say the least. Although our friendships continued, it was not exactly mutually beneficial to all of us. They had a habit of asking for favors and were extremely moody. They were always complaining about things and we found that friendship to be very draining. We started going weeks, and then more than a month, at a time when we didn't talk to each other. Then they moved away without us even knowing it. One month they were there, the next month they were gone. We can't help but wonder what ever happened to them but continue to chuckle to ourselves whenever we think about them.

Galen and Tammy were another couple that came into our lives and their friendship will always have a special place in our hearts. Karen, the boys and I were new to McAlester, Oklahoma because I had just accepted a new job with the Department of Army and we had moved there to start a new life. We visited the 1st Assembly of God in town and we were met out in the parking lot by Galen. He instantly became a hit with my boys because he liked to sneak up behind them and "catch/scare" them. It was a game that began almost on day one and continued until we left a year later. Galen and Tammy were what I refer to as extremely intentional friends. They invited us to their home for a BBQ and swimming almost immediately after we moved there. Then they helped us get involved in our local church by helping us get involved in building props and piñatas for the annual "family festival" in October. Because of their intentionality, all of us felt like we really were important "family" to them. Thinking about them always brings a smile to my face.

Although there have been many more friends in our lives throughout the years, these two couples demonstrate two very different types of friendships: convenience and intentional.

John and Lisa were convenience friends. They are classic examples of those types of friends who are only around when it is easy for them and when they get much more from the friendship than they have to put into the friendship. At the time I didn't really realize it, but they started out as convenience friends and never progressed much beyond that. When given other choices, they did not gravitate towards spending time with us UNLESS they wanted something from us. Then they were quick to call to ask us to come over.

Galen and Tammy were the epitome of intentional friends. They put so much effort into making us feel like family. They didn't just talk the talk, they walked the walk. They demonstrated with their lives how God intended real friendships to be.  In hindsight though, I have come to realize that although they were extremely intentional in their friendships towards us, we were not as intentional in return. It wasn't purposeful. I guess I just didn't know how real friends behaved. I thank God that he brought wonderful people like Galen and Tammy into our lives to teach us, but I am ashamed to have to admit that it wasn't until we moved away that I realized how important their friendship had been to us.

But...

We did learn. One of the things that I learned was that not all friendships are going to be intentional. Very few really are and that's ok. Convenience friendships serve their purpose. It allows us to accomplish things with other people that is beneficial without having to commit too deeply on an emotional level. So, convenience friendships are a good thing.

Although very few in numbers, I learned that our intentional friendships are to be cherished and nurtured. These friendships are the ones that I can draw from when I need physical, emotional and spiritual support and ones that my intentional friends can draw from when they need the same. These take a lot of effort and are not to be taken lightly. On the other hand, they are very rewarding and I do cherish my intentional friends. To my intentional friends, and you know who you are...Thank you for being intentional!

And to Galen and Tammy...THANK YOU for demonstrating for us what it means to be intentional friends...

Sticks and Stones

The March 1862 edition of The Christian Recorder had the first documented account of this old nursery rhyme:

            Sticks and stones may break my bones,
            But words will never harm me.

As we become adults, we become acutely aware of how wrong that nursery rhyme really is. Sure, sticks and stones can break bones but bones eventually heal again. Words, once spoken cannot be taken back and can continue to haunt the wrong person for potentially the rest of their lives.

In my early teens, I was excited to finally reach 12 years of age because I was going to be able to join the youth group, which was thriving at our little Church located in the Sierra Nevada Mountains of Northern California. I vividly remember attending the first youth meeting, just to hear the youth pastor announce that he was resigning and moving away. I was absolutely heart-broken. Hope was restored within a couple of weeks when another young single male layperson decided to take the non-paying position. He took the position and attendance quickly plummeted. Within a few months, only about a half-dozen "drugged" youth members (those drugged to church by their parents) remained. His last great act before he quit as youth pastor and dropped out of church completely was to write letters to all his remaining youth attendees. After he distributed the letters, he promptly left. Since our parents were still in church, we decided to open our letters and share with each other what he had to say. The first few letters were great words of affirmation, which left me excited to see what he had written to me. I opened the letter and started reading a laundry list of  the faults that he saw in me. I was absolutely devastated. From that day forward, I struggled a lot because I had a low self image of myself. The seed of doubt had been sown.

By the time I reached my Senior year in high school, I had already decided that as soon as I graduated I would find a job and work at a blue collar job the rest of my life. Having worked several summers as a custodian at the high school that I attended, I had come to believe that I probably couldn't do any better. College was only for kids from wealthy families and I wasn't one of those. But God had bigger plans for my life and he was going to use another person to plant yet another seed. That seed was called "hope". This woman told me that I was destined for bigger things and that I could accomplish my goals and dreams. Although I took a stab at college out of high school, it took 15 years for that "hope" seed to sprout and take root. You see, the doubt seed that was planted in my youth had such a strong root system that it would hang on long into my adulthood.

 

Five years after Karen and I got married the decision was made that I would go back to college to finish my education. After the first semester, we ran out of money and I hit a whole new low in my life. I literally cried all the way home that night from work when I realized that my dream of finishing my education had ended and that I was going to be stuck in my present job for the rest of my life. Karen knew something was wrong as soon as I got home and I had to tell her that I no longer was going to have money to go to school on. I had maintained a 3.6 GPA but I was an older student (32 years old) and scholarships were not plentiful for somebody like me. Karen encouraged me to take a leap of faith and after prayerful consideration, we continued on utilizing low interest student loans. By this time, we had learned a valuable lesson about marriage that some folks never seem to grasp. Once a couple are married, God expects them to function as a single unit. As I continued to take classes, it was truly a partnership this time and we have attacked all problems with this methodology since. WE graduated in August 2002 with OUR Bachelors in Accounting and would finish OUR Master's in Management in 2007, just two months before my Dad passed away. In 2003, WE were hired by the Department in Army as a GS-05 and today WE are a GS-13 (equivalent between major and lieutenant-colonel). Leaving spirituality out of the discussion at this point, by man's standards WE have done alright in OUR education and career, however in the background of my mind there is a list of faults that plays from time to time planted by a person in my youth.    

If you have ever read Genesis Chapter One, you have seen the words, "and God said..." That is always followed by an action because when God says something, it happens. Jesus said in Mark 11:23, "Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him." In other words, our words have authority (when coupled with faith) and action can be taken based on them. The whole point here is that words (speech) are very powerful and if they were not, God would not have high-lighted the power within them in his Word (the Bible).

Just as a person planted seeds of doubt in my mind at a young age, we all are able to build others up or tear them down based on the words that we speak to them. We just have to remember that the words we speak to our children and spouses can either build them up or tear them down. It is amazing how many people don't realize the long-term damage they are doing when they say things like, "I knew you wouldn't be able to do that right" or "your not very bright." Sometimes it's not that blatant or obvious, but the intention is negative none-the-less.

The good news is that it is never too late to change the way we speak to our loved ones and others with whom we interact, especially if we have been speaking negative things towards them. If we put into practice the concept that as married couples we are truly a single unit, then it only makes sense that we would want to speak positive things into our mate. By building our mates up, we are strengthening ourselves. Also, by being cognitive that we need to try to balance the negative corrective discipline of our children with an equal amount of affirmation, we strengthen the familial unit by having children who are able to identify appropriate behaviors/actions but also have healthy self-esteems.

Unsafe Distances

We had a simple plan a couple of nights ago. After eating dinner, Karen and I decided to tramp out into a portion of our woods that we seldom visit to retrieve an old tire that we could use to build a "football toss" carnival style game. We still have a half dozen or so tires that had been left there by the previous land owner and we decided to utilize one.

Little did we realize what we were about to experience. I was on point and Karen was about 20 feet behind me as I entered the brush/tree line. All of a sudden I heard Karen yell that something had bitten her. My mind instantly interpreted that as her having been bitten by a venomous snake. I turned to go back to help her and noticed that she was holding her hand/arm. At that point, I didn't have time to even re-evaluate what had just happened. I felt the first pains on my body and I looked around and realized that I was being swarmed by dozens of black and white bald-faced hornets. Without realizing it, I had stepped up next to their nest and the bald-faced hornets are known to be more aggressive than other hornets, wasps or bees. They can each sting multiple times and will chase those that they feel are a danger to their nests long distances to protect it. 

Karen took off running towards the house and I was right behind her. We were still a couple hundred feet from the house when Karen fell face first to the ground. As I reached her to pick her up, I still had a couple of hornets stuck in my clothes. I killed those hornets, helped Karen up and we raced up to our barn. Since we were quite a distance from the hornets by then, they had abandoned their attack and we were now able to evaluate our injuries. Karen had one sting, a skinned up left knee, right thigh and right arm. I had eight stings, all of which were on the right side of my body, all of which were below the waist except for one sting on my lower right back. We then went into the house, applied "after bite" to our stings (which helps relieve some of the discomfort and actually works) and Karen cleaned her wounds. Not wanting to give up too easily, Karen and I went out to the barn to build the game frame anyway. As we were retrieving the lumber from our lumber stack, God allowed us to see a tire that we had all but forgotten about. It was one that was out in the woods before but I had brought up to the house to dispose of. We used it instead!

Because I don't believe that God allows bad things to happen to people for no reason, I asked him last night what was the purpose for all of this taking place. The simple lesson that I learned from this, that could be applied in a spiritual way, is that sometimes bad things happen to good people just because they allow themselves to get too close to a bad situation. They may not even do it intentionally, but they do it none-the-less. Sometimes people are be-bopping along and not paying attention to lurking dangers and then get caught unaware when something bad happens.  They may not really be doing anything wrong, but close proximity is enough for them to get stung. In some applications of this principle, close proximity may not even be a physical thing, but an emotional thing or even the appearance of impropriety.

Missing "Family"

Karen and I have had some really great friends at our house for fellowships over the last couple of months. We really look forward to these events because we get to be with people who have become a sort of extended family. In one case, it really is the reuniting of two families that I truly believe that God never intended to be separated in the first place. The details of the division are no longer important, just the fact that God has started mending the rift that caused us to become separated in the first place.

In a way it is bitter sweet though. Two members of our extended family that God intended to be with us are not. One through death, the other due to something else. It truly saddens me because in different ways both are missed.

As the first year anniversary of Austyn's death approaches on September 2nd, we have already started making plans on how we are going to "deal" with that memorable day. I personally have taken the week off because I don't want to be at work during that period of time. When you love somebody as much as we loved Austyn, certain times can be really challenging. Christmas was one of those times, which is why Karen and I made the wooden horses in the colors that Austyn's biological mother attributed to him, teal and purple. It gave us a chance to share something with his biological family in a tangible way.

I suspect in some folks eyes we have gone a little over-board when it comes to keeping our memories of Austyn alive. One person has accused Karen and me of creating "shrines" to him because we wanted to have something tangible that we gave  to him that he physically touched. I can't help but wonder if the person who accused us of this type of "unhealthy" behavior would be making these kinds of statements if their own (God forbid) biological child had physically passed away. You see, that is how Karen and I viewed Austyn, as one of our boys. The items that we have that Austyn touched are not on display, they are tucked away in a drawer. We rarely get them out. Karen and I have pictures of all of the kids that we adore on display in our house, all seven of them. I even have pictures of all three of my boys displayed on my office walls at work. I had them there before Austyn died and they are still there now. I don't know how that type of behavior has become describable as building "shrines", but if it is then I am guilty.

I tend to be a very emotional person and I have had to let God work on me because in the past I have allowed my emotions to lead me to take action when I should have allowed God to be in control. I have strong opinions of right and wrong and I am constantly learning to allow God's Word to be the standard by which to judge right/wrong. Having said that, I am still human and I want to take up for the under-dog. Maybe that is how God created me. In my eyes, Austyn was an under-dog. Sure, he made a lot of stupid (and I mean STUPID) mistakes and he frequently did it the Pentecostal way (in groups) but he was extremely remorseful about it in the last several months of his life and that made his past mistakes forgivable. Why even mention the stuff in the last several sentences?

Because I mentioned that there was a second extended family member missing and I strongly believe that is true.  Our love for Austyn and our willingness to accept his repentance as being real is the chasm that separates us from our other member. This member chooses to not believe that God was able to transform Austyn's life because they feel that Austyn was playing a part and was unwilling or unable to change. This member defiantly chose not to spend any time with him during the last 14 months of his life but is able to draw these conclusions. In a way, that member needs to believe that Austyn was unrepentant to justify their behavior and actions towards him, including the inappropriate comments they made after he was already gone.

Here is where Justin has to let God help him get his emotions out of the way...

We all need to be reconciled. That is God's plan. It was never part of God's plan for our families to become fractured because Austyn died. For Karen and me, we became angry because one "family" member said and did some unbecoming things against Austyn. What would it take to become reconciled? Repentance and good dose of humility. The irony is that Austyn took the lead in this area and demonstrated through his life what this other member needs to learn. In the mean time, the rest of the  extended family will continue to get together and enjoy each others' company. The next "family" gathering is scheduled for September 6th (the day we buried Austyn on last year)  and we are moving forward with our lives...together.

What other plans/dreams do we still have?

Well, we need to get Austyn a headstone. We haven't been able to have one placed on his grave yet because of finances but we serve a great big God and eventually he will provide in this area. It is not a matter of if but when, and I have faith that the "when" will not be too far down the road.

I also have a dream that someday I will be able to minister again with my other best friend (other than Karen of course). There was something supernatural that took place when we ministered together and I am asking God to allow us the opportunity to minister together again. I am excited about what the future holds in this area... :)