A Very Comforting Thing To Have

"Friendship," said Christopher Robin, "is a very comforting thing to have.”- A.A Milne in Winnie-the-Pooh.

A while back, Karen and I were reminiscing about different times in our lives and the different people that we have shared it with over the years. Some of those friendships teetered on the rim of the totally ridiculous while others have been intense. Each one has left us with memories and some have provided material for me to use to write about... :)

John and Lisa were the first friends that Karen and I had together. We knew them from church before we got married and after we got married we continued that friendship. They really were a unique couple. An interesting piece of trivia about these two was that the same day that they got married before the justice of the peace, John checked Lisa into the hospital for a psych evaluation. I learned that was not the optimum way to start off a marriage. After Lisa got out, their marriage was strained to say the least. Although our friendships continued, it was not exactly mutually beneficial to all of us. They had a habit of asking for favors and were extremely moody. They were always complaining about things and we found that friendship to be very draining. We started going weeks, and then more than a month, at a time when we didn't talk to each other. Then they moved away without us even knowing it. One month they were there, the next month they were gone. We can't help but wonder what ever happened to them but continue to chuckle to ourselves whenever we think about them.

Galen and Tammy were another couple that came into our lives and their friendship will always have a special place in our hearts. Karen, the boys and I were new to McAlester, Oklahoma because I had just accepted a new job with the Department of Army and we had moved there to start a new life. We visited the 1st Assembly of God in town and we were met out in the parking lot by Galen. He instantly became a hit with my boys because he liked to sneak up behind them and "catch/scare" them. It was a game that began almost on day one and continued until we left a year later. Galen and Tammy were what I refer to as extremely intentional friends. They invited us to their home for a BBQ and swimming almost immediately after we moved there. Then they helped us get involved in our local church by helping us get involved in building props and piñatas for the annual "family festival" in October. Because of their intentionality, all of us felt like we really were important "family" to them. Thinking about them always brings a smile to my face.

Although there have been many more friends in our lives throughout the years, these two couples demonstrate two very different types of friendships: convenience and intentional.

John and Lisa were convenience friends. They are classic examples of those types of friends who are only around when it is easy for them and when they get much more from the friendship than they have to put into the friendship. At the time I didn't really realize it, but they started out as convenience friends and never progressed much beyond that. When given other choices, they did not gravitate towards spending time with us UNLESS they wanted something from us. Then they were quick to call to ask us to come over.

Galen and Tammy were the epitome of intentional friends. They put so much effort into making us feel like family. They didn't just talk the talk, they walked the walk. They demonstrated with their lives how God intended real friendships to be.  In hindsight though, I have come to realize that although they were extremely intentional in their friendships towards us, we were not as intentional in return. It wasn't purposeful. I guess I just didn't know how real friends behaved. I thank God that he brought wonderful people like Galen and Tammy into our lives to teach us, but I am ashamed to have to admit that it wasn't until we moved away that I realized how important their friendship had been to us.

But...

We did learn. One of the things that I learned was that not all friendships are going to be intentional. Very few really are and that's ok. Convenience friendships serve their purpose. It allows us to accomplish things with other people that is beneficial without having to commit too deeply on an emotional level. So, convenience friendships are a good thing.

Although very few in numbers, I learned that our intentional friendships are to be cherished and nurtured. These friendships are the ones that I can draw from when I need physical, emotional and spiritual support and ones that my intentional friends can draw from when they need the same. These take a lot of effort and are not to be taken lightly. On the other hand, they are very rewarding and I do cherish my intentional friends. To my intentional friends, and you know who you are...Thank you for being intentional!

And to Galen and Tammy...THANK YOU for demonstrating for us what it means to be intentional friends...