Poor Little Ol’ Me!

As a person who seems to be in a constant state of learning, thus the reason this blog is called “older dog leaning new tricks”, I find myself trying to find answers to questions that I have. Recently, I found myself questioning some things that just didn’t seem to pass a reasonableness test within me and I felt led to use some of my secular research skills to find some answers.  Now, I don’t pretend to be an expert in this field, so I am going to have to rely on information that I have found online when it comes to victim and aggressor relationships. I know for many people who read this blog this may not make a whole lot of sense, but for those who have been dealing with the same people and issues that Karen and I have for a while, this may make some sense.

Here is what was bothering me. I heard that a certain person was claiming to have been verbally abused and victimized by person(s) close to them but I have been around them over the period of several YEARS and witnessed the person who was claiming to be the victim as the one who was verbally abusive to the person(s) they were claiming was/were the aggressor(s). Now I am not so naïve as to believe that abusive aggressors cannot remain quiet and controlled in the public view, but I also wondered if there was such a personality where the aggressor plays the part of victim when out in public but can be abusive in private or within a close-knit circle of people where they feel safe.  It appears this is called self-victimization and it happens more often than we realize.

Apparently in these types of situations, the aggressor (playing the part of victim) tries to manipulate others into sympathizing with them in order to gain their assistance in abusing the real victim(s). According to what I read, manipulators often play the victim role (poor little ol’ me) by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy. Since caring and conscientious Christian people cannot stand to see anyone suffering, the manipulator often finds it easy and rewarding to play on their sympathy to get their cooperation.

Hmm…perhaps the complexity of some of these situations that I have had to play a part within is the reason I have had a hard time figuring out what is the truth and what is reality.

Although I miss Austyn greatly and selfishly wish he were still with us, as I continue to sort through several years of data that I have stored up in my mind, I am sort of grateful that he isn’t having to deal any longer with the one individual who I suspect showed him almost no love, little grace and even less compassion. I strongly believe that he is in the loving arms of a God who continues to show him more love than his biological and “adopted” family could ever show. In the mean time, Karen and I will continue to provide moral and emotional support to his father and those family members who are willing to let us and wait for God to impart justice to those that exploited his vulnerability. I take refuge in God’s word which states, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:13

Lessons Learned With Austyn: Moving from the Past into the Present

"...this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13

 

I suspect that I am not the only person who has regrets about some of the things I did or not do in my past that I wish I could change. If I really sat here and thought hard about it, I could fill page after page with regrets that I have related to the past and it would help catapult me into having one of the biggest pity parties imaginable. The main problem with that is that it wouldn't serve any real purpose. You see, no matter how remorseful I am about what I did,  or did not do, I can't change the past. Oh, I can be apologetic for some of the things that I did and if I there are things that I need to apologize for I should, but the fact still remains that I can't change the past.

 

As I stated in an earlier post, Austyn had some things that he was extremely remorseful about and wanted to apologize for. In some cases he was unable to do so because some people were unwilling to accept that God was capable of changing his life. This became an almost paralyzing problem for Austyn because he felt he couldn't move on unless things were made right. He had to learn that when he was willing to submit his life to God, stop being disobedient and give God complete control, God made him a new creation. As a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), he had been declared a child of God—redeemed, justified, sanctified and filled with the grace and love of Christ himself. Even if some people were not willing to accept his apologies, through God's justification he received a new standing of divinely given righteousness which no man (or woman) could prevent...that was the beginning.

 

Austyn did let go of the past, as best he could, and started moving forward in the present working towards goals that would benefit his future. He started taking courses through 'Work One' and was working towards his GED (now called TASC-Test Assessing Secondary Completion). He had mastered several areas and was really only needing to brush up on his math. In parallel with this, He was attending church at Bethany in Washington Indiana and was really enjoying the youth activities there. He even had participated in some domestic 'missionary' work within the Washington community. His last project was a human video based on 'Set Me Free' by Casting Crowns which he was directing. We know he was extremely excited about this drama because he called Karen up 5 days before he passed away and just talked on and on about it. In typical Austyn fashion, he was in a hurry to see it completed and performed.

So, what is the purpose of this post? As humans, we all need to let go of some of those things in our past that we can not change. God taught me some valuable lessons while I watched Austyn struggle in his attempt to rectify the wrongs he had committed. I am guilty of having a "talk is cheap" attitude. I am the type of person who finds it hard to take people's word that they are remorseful for the things that they have done that have negatively affected my life. I want to see something tangible to prove that they are remorseful. I want blood! That is the carnal side of Justin and I know that it is not right and it is not Godly. That is why I have had to repent for my attitude and allow God to show me that sometimes the only thing some people can do is apologize. Like Austyn, they may not have anything tangible to offer... but if God redeems, justifies and sanctifies them, then that is all they need.

 

The other lesson that goes hand-in-hand with moving from the past into the present and ultimately into the future is that with God's guidance, we need to establish goals that don't conflict with the Word and nature of God and allow God to help us take the steps necessary to bring those goals to fruition. Sometimes we have to set short term goals that we can accomplish relatively easily to give us the confidence boosts necessary to accomplish even bigger goals. Just as Austyn was working towards a short term goal of completing his GED, I don't think it was much of a stretch to believe that he had a longer term goal of going into ministry. I just think God has different plans for him.

O Be Careful Little Eyes

Remember this little song from when you were in Sunday School as a child:

O be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little eyes what you see

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little eyes what you see

Since childhood,  I have been fascinated with magic and illusionists. I remember when I was around 14 years of age we had some friends join us for dinner at our house. I decided to show them a "magic" trick in which I put a wooden match in a handkerchief and then had the man and his wife feel the wooden match wrapped inside the handkerchief. After they confirmed that the match was there and indeed unbroken, I had the wife snap the match stick in half. After saying some "magic" words to make the match stick be restored, I opened the handkerchief to reveal an "unbroken" match stick. The wife was totally amazed and thought it was a great "trick". The husband, on the other hand, wanted to inspect the handkerchief and upon close inspection found the secret seam that contained the broken match stick. The secret had been found out!

Over the years I have continued to have a fascination with illusionists and have learned quite a bit about how illusions are accomplished. The keys to all illusionist's success are those people who assist in the illusion and the fact that we tend, as humans, to accept what we "see" as being true and almost irrefutable. Especially in large illusions, without a faithful assistant who helps the illusionist "deceive" the eyes of the audience, the illusionist would have a really hard time accomplishing the feat. Over the years I have learned that "magic" wasn't really my calling in life but I still love to see a good "magic" show from time to time. Even though I understand how a lot of the illusions are accomplished, I still love to watch them because it is just plain fun.

Several months ago, due to an accident with a deer about a mile from our house, some friends of ours had to borrow our Sante Fe to travel up to visit a college. Everything worked out well for them on the trip and we were glad to assist. I mention this to provide an object lesson. Although my Santa Fe has been to this certain college, Karen and I have not been there. If somebody that we know well would have seen my Sante Fe, with the special Indiana Wesleyan University license plates and unique scratches on the drivers side rear panel, they would have suspected that we were visiting that University. By all appearances, they would have been justified in believing that we had been there. The proof would have been in the fact that our vehicle was there. However, by asking us personally about whether we had been there or not they would have found out that it wasn't us but somebody else who had borrowed our vehicle. Innocent enough, but these types of real life "illusions" happen.

As I have stated in the past, things that happen in the physical realm have application in the spiritual realm and vise-versa. Over the last several months I have viewed some things going on within my circle of friends that I have had to apply some of those spiritual decision making principles to that I spoke about in my "Now What God" post.

As much as I wish it were not true, as Christians we are not immune to making judgments about other people without knowing the full truth. Sometimes we listen to those disgruntled people who run around promoting "illusions" as facts that support their own less than honorable agendas. I don't argue that it is extremely challenging to know what is truth because so many people have become so adept at telling lies that appear to be truth. That is why I keep reiterating that we as Christians need to keep God first and foremost in our decision making process. We need to seek God to reveal to us what is truth and what is not. That may not happen instantaneously, so I also ask that people don't act on impulse and do things that could be damaging to another person's spiritual, economical, emotional or physical well being based on the "illusions" presented by others and that people will wait on the Lord to lead them into what they should be doing. In the mean time, we need to practice 1 John 3:18 which states, "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

Lessons Learned With Austyn: Accepting Responsibility for Your Actions

The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them. Ezekiel 18:20 NIV

 

Anybody who truly knew Austyn knows that the young man was no angel. In the few years that I had known him he had committed several crimes and had wronged a lot of people. Because of his track record, most people didn't trust him and I will admit that when he came back into our lives 14 months or so before he passed away I was a little hesitant at first. One of the problems with Austyn was that after he committed a crime or hurt somebody, he wasn't usually remorseful about it. In fact, he was usually quick to blame somebody else or justify his actions based on his perception of somebody else's' prior actions. If he was apologetic, it was usually a "snow job" attempt to get off the hook for what he had done.  In a way I kind of understand why he was that way. He had been around a lot of actors/actresses and a lot of people who only pretended to be repentant or remorseful for their actions.

Austyn and I had some pretty intense face-to-face interactions over the first few months after he came back. He found out that Karen and I were not as naive as he believed us to be and that we would not accept the excuses he offered up for his actions. I made it very clear to him that he was responsible for his actions and nobody else. It truly was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It was tough love in a very tough way. The things that we made sure of, Austyn knew we cared about him, would always follow through with any promises we made to him and above all, loved him through our actions. He kept coming back. I guess that says it all.

When Austyn went to Lark Ranch with us in October 2012, he was wearing a cast on his right arm. Austyn had been accused of a crime, based on his prior history, and in his anger hit a cement block wall with his right fist. That fractured several bones in his right hand/arm. It was proven later that the accusations were false and that he was truly innocent of the charges. Austyn justified his actions of hitting the cement wall because he was angry that he had been wrongly accused. At that moment, I had to enact the toughest love that a "father" can. I made it very evident to him that he needed to start taking responsibility for his actions and stop blaming others for the "stupid" things that he was doing. That was the beginning of a transformation that God was preparing Austyn to go through. I would love to say that Austyn was on the right path at that moment, but it would take one more incident to really get his attention. He was arrested in December 2012 for operating a motor vehicle without a license and spent several weeks in the Martin County Detention Center.

It was after all of that when we starting to see a change. The old Austyn was being transformed because of the GRACE of God. We could really "see" the changes in Austyn. He would sit in the kitchen and tell us that he had made so many mistakes and owed so many people apologies. You could tell that he was being sincere and genuine. The "snow job" was gone. He had started taking responsibility for his actions, past and present and he wanted to make amends. At times he seemed almost in a panic because he wanted to apologize to people that he had wronged, he wanted to do it in person and he wanted to do it as quickly as possible. I would love to say that Austyn accomplished his goal, but unfortunately some folks would not allow him to apologize and I am sure they wouldn't have believed him if he had. Some folks only believe in God's grace when it applies to them, and not to somebody like him. Here is what I believe though because it is what the Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9, " For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is

the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast."

Really Loving Your Neighbor

When Karen and I moved to Indiana in 2004, we were hoping to buy a place with a little land where we could have an orchard, garden and a place for the boys to play. We were blessed to get a nice home out in the country with good tillable ground and some woods to hunt in. God truly blessed us in that area.

On top of that, we got some wonderful neighbors. Mike and Pat (his wife) have been really good neighbors. We know that they watch out over our place whenever we are gone and they have helped us in the past by tilling our garden (before we had a tiller), plowing our driveway and doing a myriad of other things. We have reciprocated in other ways. Overall it has been a really positive experience and I am grateful for the neighbors we have.

One of the most interesting passages of Scripture in the Bible is Matthew 22:35-40, where Jesus was asked, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” Jesus answered that the two foundational commandments in the Bible are, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind”; and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Jesus was teaching us that the two greatest foundational commandments had to do with relationships. If you start looking through the scriptures, everything boils down to these two areas: relationship with God and relationships with others. It really is that simple.

Sometimes as humans we overlook simple things because we are always looking for things to be more complex, but have you really ever stopped and asked yourself: Who is my closest neighbor? Well, the answer is really quite simple. If you are married, your closest neighbor is your spouse. If you have children, that would also include them!

If one of the foundational commandments that Jesus gave had to do with loving our neighbor, and our closest neighbor is our spouse, then the Scriptures have a lot more to say about marriage than many people realize.

So when we read in Matthew 6:14-15 about our need to forgive others, we need to apply that to our marriage and family. When Colossians 3:8 tells us to put aside “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from (our) mouth,” we need to examine ourselves and examine how we talk to and about our spouse and children.

As you read through the Scriptures over the next few weeks, look for ways to apply biblical truths to your relationships at home. After all, if your faith doesn’t work in the context of your family relationships, where will it work?

God Given Gifts of Laughter

There are times when I just need a good clean laugh. As a human being with problems and issues similar to what everyone else faces from time to time, I find myself slipping into a mode of negativity. For that reason I decided to write something with a little more emphasis on the happy side of life. There is no doubt in my mind that God gave us the gifts of laughter. There are so many benefits from laughing that I wanted to explore them just a little. So you’ll have to humor me and here we go…

Laughing helps us not to take ourselves too seriously!

Let’s face it. I can’t walk on water all of the time J. I make mistakes from time to time and sometimes it’s downright funny. I am forever laying items down and forgetting where I put them. There is absolutely no doubt that I could hide my own Easter eggs and have a good time trying to find them again.

Laughter helps us heal physically and spiritually!

In fact, research shows that it also has quite a positive impact on our physiology-relaxing our muscles, boosting our immune systems, releasing endorphins and decreasing stress hormones. From a spiritual perspective, it helps us to shake those negative thoughts and replace them with positive, God inspired ones.

Laughter helps us maintain balance in a world that can be downright ornery!

I don’t know about you, but I work in a place that can be dog eating dog at times.  People are stressed to the max for a myriad of reasons. One of the best places to see people exhibit their less than pleasant attitudes is at Walmart when they are in a hurry and not getting what they want. Sometimes I have to take a step back and just laugh at the ridiculousness of people! If only they could see themselves the way I see them…LOL.

Laughter helps us individuals and communities stay sane.

Laughing shifts our perspective and alters our mood. When things get extremely stressful, it really helps our outlook on life if we can find something to laugh about. Have you ever noticed how contagious laughter can be? One person starts laughing, then another and then another until everyone is laughing.  A group of people with a good sense of humor can accomplish a lot more than a group in turmoil (and have more fun doing it!)

Laughter empowers us to live more and more in the image of God in which we were created.

"But You, O Lord, shall laugh at them; You shall have all the nations in derision." Psalms 59:8
"The Lord laughs at him, for He sees that his day is coming." Psalms 37:13

If God has every good quality, and a sense of humor is a good quality, then it stands to reason that God has a sense of humor. Most of the instances in the Bible which portrays the quality of humor in God are when God laughs at men because of the futility of their efforts. It is evident enough for me that there are things that the Lord finds funny. So if God can laugh, I feel it is ok for me to laugh as well!

Secret Places

In my last blog, I talked about decision making and how when it comes to making decisions, God expects us to be spiritual people who focus upon spiritual decisions utilizing spiritual principles. If any of the leadership within our body read my last blog, they would have recognized the practices of increased prayer, searching the scriptures and seeking what would be most glorifying to God. That is the policy that the leadership adopted several months ago whenever important decisions needed to be made that could have huge spiritual or financial impacts on the body.

I shared that because over the last several months, Karen and I have adopted that same policy when it comes to making spiritual and financial decisions within our own home and we know from practical experience that it truly works. As a person who too often allowed my emotions to lead my actions, I have had to learn to allow God to be in control of issues that fall into his realm of expertise and ultimate final judgment. Of course, God doesn’t expect Christians to be totally catatonic when it comes to things going on around them. He expects us to react when he leads us to react and he expects us to speak out when things don’t line up with the Word or nature of God.

I alluded to this post in my last blog because I felt that God gave me both topics at the same time several mornings ago while I was lying awake in bed. When this topic first came to me, I really thought that “Secret Places” was going to be about physical places. As I was doing some labor intensive work out behind my house, I was “talking” to God at the same time and asking him for direction when it came to writing this blog. It was then that God revealed to me that what I had envisioned as “Secret Places” and what he intended were two different things. He was talking about the “secret places” that nobody except God could visit. It is the secret places of the heart.

I have chosen several verses from Psalm 139 because they tell us that God knows everything, including our thoughts and motives of the heart. I left some verses out because it is rather lengthy, but it doesn’t change the meaning of the message. (Psalm 139) ¹Lord, you have examined me and know all about me.² You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them.³ You know where I go and where I lie down. You know everything I do.⁴ Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it.⁵ You are all around me—in front and in back—and have put your hand on me.⁷ Where can I go to get away from your Spirit? Where can I run from you?¹¹ I could say, “The darkness will hide me. Let the light around me turn into night.” ¹² But even the darkness is not dark to you. The night is as light as the day; darkness and light are the same to you. ²³ God, examine me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any bad thing in me. Lead me on the road to everlasting life. New Century Version (NCV)

When my family travels long distances, we frequently listen to the dramatization “Affabel, Window of Eternity” by John Bevere. One of the most enlightening statements comes from one of the rulers to a person who is getting ready to stand before the King (God). She says, “Your rewards depend on what you say and what you do. Not only will your words and works be examined, but the motive behind them. You will also be judged by the thoughts you embraced.  Do not forget God’s judgment is righteous, testing the mind and the heart. Man's judgment is in light of the visual world but God's is based on a different light.”

 

The problem with the Secret Places of the heart is that as humans, we can’t truly tell what is there. There are some awesome men and women of God who we wouldn’t even suspect because they are extremely quiet and meek and work under the radar of our Christian detectors. They have good hearts and do good things for God and get little or no recognition for their work here on earth. On the other hand, there are those other people out there with evil hearts. Oh sure, we can sometimes see the fruit that an evil heart produces but sometimes people can be really good actors/actresses and can deceive a great multitude of people for a long period of time before the truth is revealed. Especially dangerous are those people who have learned fluent Christianese and church practices through decades of Church attendance. That is why it is so important to adopt a spiritual decision making policy in your own lives and to seek the Holy Spirits guidance. Here is the bottom line; if something doesn’t feel right, sound right, or look right, perhaps the Holy Spirit is telling you that it isn’t right.