Poor Little Ol’ Me!

As a person who seems to be in a constant state of learning, thus the reason this blog is called “older dog leaning new tricks”, I find myself trying to find answers to questions that I have. Recently, I found myself questioning some things that just didn’t seem to pass a reasonableness test within me and I felt led to use some of my secular research skills to find some answers.  Now, I don’t pretend to be an expert in this field, so I am going to have to rely on information that I have found online when it comes to victim and aggressor relationships. I know for many people who read this blog this may not make a whole lot of sense, but for those who have been dealing with the same people and issues that Karen and I have for a while, this may make some sense.

Here is what was bothering me. I heard that a certain person was claiming to have been verbally abused and victimized by person(s) close to them but I have been around them over the period of several YEARS and witnessed the person who was claiming to be the victim as the one who was verbally abusive to the person(s) they were claiming was/were the aggressor(s). Now I am not so naïve as to believe that abusive aggressors cannot remain quiet and controlled in the public view, but I also wondered if there was such a personality where the aggressor plays the part of victim when out in public but can be abusive in private or within a close-knit circle of people where they feel safe.  It appears this is called self-victimization and it happens more often than we realize.

Apparently in these types of situations, the aggressor (playing the part of victim) tries to manipulate others into sympathizing with them in order to gain their assistance in abusing the real victim(s). According to what I read, manipulators often play the victim role (poor little ol’ me) by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy. Since caring and conscientious Christian people cannot stand to see anyone suffering, the manipulator often finds it easy and rewarding to play on their sympathy to get their cooperation.

Hmm…perhaps the complexity of some of these situations that I have had to play a part within is the reason I have had a hard time figuring out what is the truth and what is reality.

Although I miss Austyn greatly and selfishly wish he were still with us, as I continue to sort through several years of data that I have stored up in my mind, I am sort of grateful that he isn’t having to deal any longer with the one individual who I suspect showed him almost no love, little grace and even less compassion. I strongly believe that he is in the loving arms of a God who continues to show him more love than his biological and “adopted” family could ever show. In the mean time, Karen and I will continue to provide moral and emotional support to his father and those family members who are willing to let us and wait for God to impart justice to those that exploited his vulnerability. I take refuge in God’s word which states, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:13